The fake me, the story of my adolescence

Growing up I never really knew who I was, I was constantly changing friends and trying to find the right bunch that I fitted in with. As a result of changing friends often, I was often labelled as rebellious by family and people who knew me. It came to a point in my life around the age of 14/15 that after being called so many things by your own family and friends that you start to believe it yourself, and act that way.

Throughout my life I was “the stupid one”, the one with no direction and who couldn’t hold down a solid group of friends. The way that people acted towards me, made me push myself into worlds that I wouldn’t have thought of entering by myself. I found myself acting a certain way every time I changed friends, I was conforming to their ways and adopting their habits. Essentially, I was the fake friend.

Every few months I would change my group of friends, I always blamed myself for it when it happened, making myself feel small and telling myself that I am an outsider, I can’t fit in with anyone, that no one wanted me. I would get over it, hang with some new people and so the cycle continued.

Between being fake with people who I called “friends”, I never really stopped to wonder why i could never keep a full circle of friends. Until late last year, I realized that I wasn’t myself, rather, I hadn’t found myself. I was jumping from circle to circle because I didn’t know who I really was, what I wanted and who I wanted to keep in my circle.

It shook me to the core when I realized this, 20-years old and I didn’t know me? How was this possible? Is this why I never really excelled in anything great? Was it because of me not knowing myself that I couldn’t have a solid goal and find a good group of friends? When I started thinking about all of this and being aware of everything, I started piecing together parts of my life and why they went bad.

So, this year, I made a new year’s resolution (no it wasn’t to hit the gym and carry on), that I would focus on me. Guess what, when I started focusing on me and trying to discover who I really am, I started thriving. I saw myself and my life, in a whole different light.

For the first time in my life, I can finally say, that I am starting to feel happy. If you don’t feel like you fit in, remember it took me 20 years to finally start figuring out who I am.


  1. You've just gained a new follower. Absolutely love your style of writing. Also the journey of finding oneself is never-ending but oh so important. Focus on finding what makes you happy, such as with the rebranding of your blog and you'll soon discover yourself.

  2. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog, I really appreciate it. And yes, my main goal now is to continue trying to understand the real me!


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